Winning Freedom From Your Narcissistic Family

It is a tribute to the human spirit that there are individuals who survive their narcissistic families---mothers, fathers, siblings, in-laws, etc. This is remarkable and these individuals deserve our deepest respect. As children they never fit into the family tableau---that elaborate picture of a perfect family. The reason they didn't fit in was because they were genuine and unwilling to be possessed and controlled by members of their narcissistic family. Many of these brave human beings realized as children that something was wrong with their family. Some blamed themselves at first an then recognized that they were being raised by a very disturbed family. There was no freedom of thought, no room for humor, no respect for your perceptions and creative ideas. Each day was like a sentence at military boot camp.All rules had to be obeyed regardless of how punitive or irrational they were. The purpose of these cast iron family laws is to break down the individuality of each family member. Children who survive these horrendous backgrounds often find ingenious ways to survive. Many of them spend long periods of time at the homes of their friends. They limit their time at home. Some find some solace in their rooms where they can shut out the irrational chaos of their narcissistic family members.

Those who are good students find a way to leave these pathological families as early as possible by gaining access to fine higher educations through scholarships. Many of them never return home again. The place where they lived was never a real home---It was a place to exist---a psychological prison.

When many of these children grow up they bear the scars of their psychological pain of growing up in these highly disturbed families. Some of them find tremendous help in quality psychotherapy. Others develop solid relationships with friends whom they can trust --this is a source of great validation and a sense of being cared about deeply. We honor and celebrate all of those who have escaped their narcissistic families to lead a free victorious life. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers---Their Children are Narcissistic Supplies

The narcissistic mother, especially those who overpower their spouse and everyone in the household with the force of her will, treats her children like narcissistic supplies. Narcissistic mothers enhance their grandiosity and overblown sense of omnipotence by using their children to enhance their bloated egos and the elaborate false mask that they show the world. Most people outside of these highly dysfunctional homes would never guess or believe that these mothers are abusing their children. Some narcissistic mothers play their parts so well that other family members living outside the home believe their well rehearsed act. Narcissistic mothers often cast their children in different roles. Many choose a child who will become a perfect mirror of the narcissistic mother. The chosen child is often very bright, can be gifted musically, has athletic skills and is very attractive or pretty. Mother is entranced with this child. She has found the perfect vision of herself in this being to whom she has given birth. This child is adored by her over all of her other children. The others siblings are treated very differently. Often there is a sensitive kid who endures volumes of verbal abuse and assault to his person. She/he is told that she is ugly, can never measure up, is deficient, etc. This cruel theme is repeated daily to this child and has very negative effects on this individual's psyche. Even those who are "chosen" , though privileged and allowed to do whatever they want, including being cruel to their brothers and sisters, are forced to become a perfect clone of the mother. They are human puppets who must dance to her choreography---They are living narcissistic supplies.

Narcissistic mothers as they grow older continue these cruel practices, turn one child against the other, causing psychological chaos and emotional damage. Those who are victims of these non-mothers try to survive the best they can. Even into adulthood, victims of narcissistic mother's abuse are still suffering the tortures of childhood. At some point many of these adult children decide that they must sever this "relationship" with mother to reclaim their own lives and their unique selves. They stop contact with the narcissistic mother. They seek the support of others who understand their suffering and are there to comfort them and help them heal. Human beings are resilient when provided with good psychological nourishment. Many of these scapegoated children, free from the narcissistic mother gulag, discover their creative gifts, find that they are able to have deep loving relationships and find inner peace inside of themselves. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Saying NO to the Demands of Others

As small children we are highly influenced by parental conditioning---in survival, sink or swim mode. As we grow older we begin to have our own independent thoughts, feelings, inspirations and creative ideas. Some children have a difficult time with this if their parents are severely punitive and rigid. Those who are married to or partnered with narcissists need to learn how to say NO to their demands on their time, energy, creativity, even their most private thoughts. One avenue is that of learning the art of relaxation. Many people have no idea of how it feels to be truly relaxed---steady and calm. Learning to relax requires discipline. There are a variety of ways to relax. One ancient form is hatha yoga with emphasis on nostril breathing and gentle poses. Another is learning how to breathe through the diaphragm which activates the relaxation response--the parasympathetic nervous system. Meditation in all of its forms offers a pathway to relaxation and healing on all levels.

As you practice any of these disciplines notice how you are changing despite the presence of narcissists and others who would try to disrupt your inner peace. Feel the core of strength in your body, mind and psyche that grows with your practice. Another aspect of changing your life is learning to say YES to what you love each day---reading,walking,cycling, sketching, writing---your choice. Appreciate the small moments--like listening to the call of a bird from a distance---a cardinal, blue jay or mockingbird. You are hearing the song of everpresent hope. Allow this song to resonate deep within you as you move forward one step at a time, growing, individuating, creating---now and for the rest of your life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissitinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your LifeBuy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com